1. I don't get nervous that I might wet my pants every time I sneeze. I'm not really thankful when I happen to sneeze while my legs are crossed, just in case. Not me!
2. I don't drink caffeine. I'm totally paranoid and therefore don't wake up every morning, walk to the fridge, and crack open an ice cold coke. I didn't read that you have to drink more than 300 mg of caffeine for it to be the least bit harmful and therefore computed that I could drink six cans of coke per day before this was harmful [and I don't even go to that extreme when I'm NOT pregnant.] The best part of waking up is coca-cola in your cup... wait... thats not me!
3. I didn't also read that the only harmful side effect of caffeine while pregnant is a low birth weight and then wonder why pregnant women don't all drink more caffeine. Think about it... the smaller it is... the easier it is to push out! Ha! Not me!
4. I don't have cravings that make me crazy. I didn't coerce my entire family into eating Japanese with me the other night by claiming that I might die if I didn't get it before the day was over. Not me! And I didn't read someone else's blog where they mentioned kernels and hot dogs in the same entry and it didn't make me really want a corndog. Corndogs are gross anyways. Not me!
5. I didn't puke ON the toddler when she pooped in her panties because it smelled so awful that it made me gag. That would be gross. And while I was bathing her, my next thought was definitely not that I was glad she was too little to remember this. Not me!
6. I didn't cry when I somehow miscalculated how far along I was and the doctor corrected me by telling me that I was 17 weeks instead of 19 weeks. Two weeks really shouldn't be a big deal, so I definitely didn't burst into tears. That would be hormonal and weird. Not me!
7. I don't think there is nothing attractive about elastic-waisted pants. I understand their necessity and am more than willing to comply with the fashionless-industry on this issue. I don't complain every time I see them. Not me!
8. I don't have more acne now than I did when I was a teenager. Not me!
9. I've never wasted brain cells trying to figure out why in the heck your butt and belly both get bigger when the baby is actually... not in your butt. Hmm. Not me!
10. I don't think all maternity stores should carry pants in extra longs. I know most people aren't really, really tall. When I inquired at the store in the mall about if they carried dress pants with a 35 or 36 inch inseam, and the lady replied that she didn't even think they made pants that long, I didn't retort that maybe they should for people that are, you know, 5'9" without shoes on. I didn't tell her that the "regular" pants that have a 31" inseam look like capri pants on me. I wouldn't be rude to a salesperson. Not me!
11. I don't think its unacceptable to touch a pregnant person's belly unless asked. I don't think people are crazy when they say oh you're showing! [first of all, thats such a weird thing to say. i know i'm showing... there is a person in there that makes me think i might wet my pants when i sneeze. and there is a reason i cant button my pants anymore. i'm well aware. duh.] And then proceed to you know, rub my belly. [who really thinks that is socially acceptable?!] i dont often think about how entertaining it would be to rub their belly right back. Not me!
12. I don't also think its weird when people wonder when I'll start showing. [may i direct your attention to the cantaloupe-sized midsection I'm now sporting? thats called...the baby. its showing.] I don't think maybe people should avoid saying anything about a pregnant woman's size unless they say something nice but generic like... "you look fabulous!" Not me!
Hmm. What have you NOT done when you were pregnant? I really wanna know!
6 comments:
ok, this made me laugh so hard and made me thankful I'm not pregnant right now :) I can DEFINITELY relate to #1 -- its so much worse the 2nd time around! I totally agree with #7 and 10! I think I only had one pair of pants that truly fit correctly and that was because they were Gap longs that I found at a consignment sale!
I can relate to SO many of those things!! I had a coke every morning I was pregnant, couldn't find nice pants long enough (try old navy online, they had cords in longs when I was pregnant and those worked ok for me...5'11 without shoes and there is a Gap maternity store at North Lake (?) in Charlotte and they have jeans in longs and I splurged for a pair...they were amazing!), my face broke out like gangbusters, and people loved rubbing my belly!!! GREAT post!!
Hi! My name is Nicole and I found your blog thru Gina's own site. I have to confess that your blog made me laugh! I totally agree with you on many, if not all, of your points. When I was pregnant with #2 this past year, I experienced all of the 'wonderful' things that pop up (and out!) the second go-round. I am the opposite when it comes to pants - I needed short rather than long - and found that Motherhood Maternity has these great pants that come in short, reg and long and they're called the Secret Fit Belly pants. I had a pair and I absolutely loved them :) They tend to be a little on the pricey side, but for something that may make you feel better while wearing them - they were totally worth it to me! Hope you're having a great Tuesday!
oh...i totally threw up on Anna several times when I was first pregnant with Gabriel! I'm so sorry u had to experience that too...but very funny that you can relate to me! You are a trip! Love you bunches and miss you guys terribly!!!
Team B.
Oh Lauren you made me laugh really hard. I can relate to #1 and I had a Dr.Pepper a day while I was pregnant (sometimes two). For some reason I couldn't get enough of Sam's hotdogs. I'll join you for Japanese sometime when your family is burnt out on it. Yum yum. The whole touching the belly thing didn't bother me as much as people asking me when she was going to get here. Not that many people touched my belly and I can't help that I had a stubborn daughter that didn't want to come out in the world (who could blame her these days). Hope you guys are doing well.
Oh beansy, very good post. :)
Myself, well the other day I thought my water broke when I realized that no, I was just leaking pee. I haven't had a problem with caffeine, but I do love me some tuna so I will eat just up to the recommended weekly oz and be at peace that my daughter won't have mercury poisoning. Corndogs sound AMAZING right about now and as for the elastic pants, I feel like I've lost all sense of fashion in them. So instead I have been wearing regular one with a bella band and then end up having to take them off by about 5 pm because they are constricting my ability to eat dinner. Not many people have asked to touch my belly, BUT I do get the comment "you are so little to be so far along!" all the time. They may not realize this, but they might as well be saying "are you feeding that child enough???" Not cool.
Post a Comment