Momma Bear Growls Again

Here's the thing.

When you have a child with special needs, you realize that people say a lot of stupid things.  No judgement here... I'm quite sure I was probably once one of them.  Not that I ever put my foot in my mouth or offend anyone.  Ever.  Ahem.

However, there are a few that say things that I'm pretty sure I never would have said.  And those things can make the blood of mother of a special needs child boil faster than anything you can imagine. 

Back by popular demand, may I please present things you should not say to the parent of a special-needs child.

1.  "Maybe he/she will grow out of it."

I'm sure that is meant to be a consolation.  However, it really is quite insulting.  We spend a lot of time with experts in the field... and if they really thought it was something our child we just grow out of, we probably wouldn't be at the therapy office or CVS nearly so often. 

2.  "What is wrong with your child?"

This one really makes me want to respond... what is wrong with you?!  Everyone is different... a child with special needs is just a little extra different.  

3.  "Have you tried..."

This phrase is usually followed by recommendations of all sorts.  Special diets, vitamins, videos, therapies, massage, herbs.... you name it, they recommend it.  Lets just leave it to the specialists, por favor. 

4.  "Why do you need an aide?"

Uhm, because we have to puree food, clean our house before the therapists come over, research a compounding pharmacy, call the out-of-town hospital, check weight gain, wash laundry that has been vomited on, administer multiple meds, wash syringes, attend therapy, change feeding tube bags, go to the lab to have blood drawn, call the school about the IEP, talk to the doctor that returned the call, and its only just noon.  And did I mention we are also keeping up with a "normal" child and spouse as well?  So we may as well add run to the store, make cookies for the PTA meeting, and make sure you don't miss the bus to that list as well.  Did I forget anything?!

5.  "Let me know if I can do anything."

This seems like a nice gesture, but its kind of a cop-out.  We are so busy and worn out and probably too darn proud to call you and say, "Hey, I'd really like you to babysit my normal kid" or "We could really use dinner."  So how about you just call and say, "I made an extra casserole.  What time will you be home this afternoon for me to run it by?"  or  "We are headed to McDonalds Playplace... can I swing by and pick up your other child?" 

6.  "He/she doesn't look like he/she has special needs."

I'm not really sure what all of the rare syndromes and abnormalities look like combined together... but whatever.  I still trust the experts on this one. 

7.  "Aren't you glad you get to go home and get back to normal now?"

People have said this to me as we are leaving the hospital.  Again, I know that sometimes people really are trying to be nice.  But normal in our house is just a setting on the dryer.  For any confusion, please refer to #4 above.

8.  "Are his/her glasses real?"

Now this one wasn't said to me personally but I heard it said to a friend whose child wears glasses for severe vision impairment.  I mean really?  Who puts fake glasses on a toddler?  Yes, genius, they're real.

9.  "I'm sure she'll catch up soon and one day nobody will know anything is wrong." 

I'm sure one day America will be out of debt too.  

And that there will be world peace.

And we'll all hold hands.

And sing.  And skip over the rainbows.  With unicorns. 

10.  "How old is she?"  "She is two."  "Ohhhh."

Yeah, that is just awkward.  If you notice a kid doesn't talk or walk very well or do anything independently but seems to be the size where they should, you are better off not asking how old the child is unless you have a response of some sort prepared.  Bless your heart. 

That's all for this episode.  The way this week has gone...stay tuned for next week!