Regression

The last kind of regression I dealt with was multiple regression last spring semester in Research Methods II, and it was a pain in my rear. But this kind is worse. Statistical regression is a long process, but the answers are clean and crisp with exact probabilities. They tell you what choices you should make or what your chances are. I actually kind of grew to enjoy it. This I will never grow to enjoy.

As I type this with a splitting headache from stress, I realize that moments like this are without a doubt the most frustrating part of raising a child with special needs. One can nearly go mad from the questions in the quiet moments. Did I miss a sign? Did I do enough? Should I have been more insistent? Should I be doing something different now?

Brooklyn has been experiencing some regression. Since her bout in the hospital with the seizures, she has had trouble eating well. She puts forth the effort, but she chokes at nearly every meal. Her eyes water, her face turns red, and she vomits, usually on both of us. The poor girl has lost a couple pounds, and lucky for her she was already on the chunky side so no alarm bells are going off yet on her medical chart. But it sure isn't fun.

She also is having balance and coordination issues with walking. Her toes drag, making her trip quite frequently. Tonight she busted her lip, and that now matches her bruised forehead. And that happened while she was wearing her orthopedic shoes and being closely supervised. Its been a long week.

Overall, her muscle tone seems to be decreased, making her regress. The good news is that she has only had one seizure this week though.

Oddly enough, this all comes after seizures that are supposed to have a very low probability of inflicting any lasting damage. Although I am starting to think that perhaps when I hear the words low probability, I should just assume that it will indeed happen to Brooklyn, my sweet little child who had a low probability of being born early, a low probability of having a stroke in utero, a low probability of absence seizures, and a low probability of getting the chickenpox from the vaccine. You know what I mean?

I wonder if there is anything I should have done differently. I wish I had a medical degree. And a magic wand. And more coffee. Sigh.