Monday, July 29, 2013


The other night the hubby and I were talking.  And he made a very good point.  [He is brilliant, really, much smarter than I am... he just prefers to fly under the radar and not let everyone in on that little secret.]  He said, "You know what?  That verse in the Bible about everything working together for good... it is totally misquoted.  Have you ever noticed that?"

We had been riding in the car and heard it quoted... er, misquoted... on a radio program.
And he is right.

Our journey with Brooklyn has been a bumpy ride... and lately it seems to be smoothing out a little.
Though I probably shouldn't type that, because it is always when things seem to be going well that lightening strikes.  But anyway... over the past three years and the bumps and dips in the roller coaster of parenting a child who doesn't fit into the "neurotypical" mold... we've been told many times... that all things work together for good if you love Jesus... so it is all going to be fine.

Brooklyn will be fine, life will be fine, and bad things just don't happen to those who love God.

But that isn't actually what the verse says.
At all.

I'm not saying these people aren't well-intentioned.  They absolutely are.  They show up with casseroles and hugs and great intentions to comfort and love on us... and without them our ship would have surely sunk many storms ago.  But they are wrong about the scripture they love to quote.

Romans 8:28 actually says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to his purpose." 

Sometimes I wish that meant...
Its all good.
Hakuna matata.
Everything is fine.

But I think the meaning goes a bit deeper.  I think what scripture says is that everything God allows into our lives, He allows for our ultimate good.  Not our good right now.  Not so we feel good.

What do I mean?  Well, your child having a seizure disorder is not fun.  It doesn't feel good.  It seems unfair and unkind at times.  It is expensive, frustrating, and exhausting.

But you know what has happened because my child has a seizure disorder?
I've learned to trust God on a much deeper level.
I've met mothers of tremendous character that have encouraged me on my walk with Christ.
I've gotten angry... and learned that God can take it.  And that His grace is sufficient.
I've found opportunities to help others and to educate a community.
I've gotten a huge education myself.
I've grown closer to my husband as we have weathered storms we never saw coming.
I've overcome fears and succumbed to others, and laid others at the feet of the One big enough to handle them all.
I've found a voice I didn't know I had.
I've laughed and cried with others.
I've had multiple meltdowns in church.
I've developed a deep yearning for the glorious day when I see my baby's body whole and healed without three seizure meds... on the other side of eternity.

So you know what?  I don't think the verse means that things are good now, and that healing happens now, and that everything will be fine and pain-free.
But I think it means... that God is using whatever He allows in my life to work together for my ultimate good... according to His purpose.  And His purpose may not be mine... just like His plans aren't mine.  
But guess what?  They are even better.

Friday, July 5, 2013

On Swollen Feet and Birth "Plans"

Whenever you get near the end of a pregnancy, there is talk about a birth plan.

With Savannah, I researched and read about them.  I had it typed out and took it to my doctor well in advance to discuss.  I printed out copies for my husband, the nurse, and the doctor.  Not that much went according to plan anyway when she was turned face up and it took me a day and a half to have her... which was not in the plan. 

With Brooklyn, I had a birth plan, but it kind of went out the window when she decided to make her appearance early.  I didn't even have a bag packed. 

So people have been asking me if I have a birth plan with Harper.  
And I have to chuckle a little.
Because clearly, planning has gone so well for me in the past.

But the thing about it is... I am miserable.  
My feet look like this.
And I am at such a low point in the fashion world that I now wear terry-cloth padded flip-flop slippers around the house.
[At least they are pink.]

So I guess I should come up with a birth plan.
So if I did that...for the third child...
Here is what it would look like.

I would like an epidural.  Preferably now, at 32 weeks.  
Because pretty much everything below my boobs already hurts, all of the time.
My ribs are burning, I get out of breath carrying in groceries, my feet swell, and I have to pee 14 times per day.  And lets not forget the heartburn.  So please, give me an epidural, and the sooner the better.

Who do I want with me?  My husband, at least at the moment.  
However, he does have a history of sleeping through the labor process and waking up for the birth.
And today he made the comment that, "It is sad that as big as you are, my waist is still bigger."
So we shall see.  
Besides, I already know that the delivery room is filled with approximately 10 strangers, so hey, what is the point in me specifying who can be present?

Do I want a mirror?  
I haven't wanted a mirror for about 5 months, nor do I want one now.

I do not care what position I am in, so long as the baby gets out.
Preferably quickly, with the least amount of pain.

Afterward, I would like to sleep. 
Please don't check my vitals every 3 minutes or wake me up to ask me what my pain is on a scale of 1-10.
If I can manage to sleep, it must not be too bad.
I will press the button if I need you.
And I know my way around the hospital really well, unfortunately. 

Other things that are on the NO list:
Grabby lactation consultants 
Visitors that immediately ask if we are done or if there will be another baby
People who discuss post baby weight loss
Nurses who will repeat what I say while under the influence of contractions

Anyone with flowers, cupcakes, or pasta is welcome.

Bottom line:  Get the baby out, minimize the pain, keep us both healthy, and everyone will be happy.

The end.